With the end of the year, I don’t want to make this conspiracy too stressful or sound like I stayed up until 3 am writing it the day before. Because I’m not, I’m writing it the class before like an actual pro procrastinator. Any way that’s besides the point. You made it to the end of the year and I’m proud of you. It took a lot of hard work, whether you’re a freshman, an angsty sophomore, a tired, stressed junior, or a senior who’s absolutely done with being at this school. You’re amazing and life is going to have great things out there for you, even if it’s just a stray cat you meet on the street someday or a penny you find in the parking lot of a Safeway at 4 am. Speaking of which, has anyone ever been to a Target, or Safeway or other retail/fast food/food store at that time? Being awake at home at 3 am is enough to scare me, but these places are actual dead zones, time doesn’t exist, you’re just there for who knows what reason at the devil’s hour waiting for “All Star” to play faintly in the background, or maybe you’re just hallucinating that? You somehow find your way home after buying a bag of stale chips and candy bar you were craving, and wake up in your bed with no memory of what happened the night before. The morning before? That morning. I guarantee this will happen to at least seven of you this summer break. Please take care of yourselves and the Earth and remember that if honey bees die, humans will die only four years after. Thank you for listening to my last conspiracy. I’ll be back next year if the school doesn’t cut newspaper from the curriculum due to budget cuts. Have a good life.